Your look has a sound

While helping my two young children get dressed for a family wedding it occurred to me how much a look could transform an attitude. As I laid out the elegant dress that my daughter would wear and the little suit for my son, they both excitedly threw off their PJs to step into their new attire. I watched them dance around and admire each other in the mirror, somewhat in awe of their thrill at being fancier versions of themselves. What struck me also was their comfort level with how they looked. They instinctively knew what looked and felt good to wear, and it showed in the smiles on their faces, and in the way they held their shoulders back and proudly walked around the room like little, confident adults. It was as if they had a musical soundtrack playing, one that only they could hear, that boosted their self-assurance to not just play the part, but to be the part. It was as if their look had a sound, and that sound was a little bit of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” with some “Walking on Sunshine” thrown in for good measure.

I do realize we don’t live our lives with background music — although that would be awesome — but I do believe that our look speaks for us before we speak for ourselves. Your look has a sound. What do you want it to say? What is it that you want people to see in you before they even hear from you?

This is more than just feeling confident when you dress for the day. This is about unlocking your inner badass. If you could play background music during your interview or your pitch, what would your song be? Can you channel the confidence and the energy that song gives you? When you feel confident, you can be yourself. When you can be yourself, you can speak up when you know the answer, and just as important, speak up when you don’t.

We all know that when we look good, we feel good — or at the very least, we do a better job of acting like we feel good. Just like you’d be prepared internally to know your stuff for a meeting or a presentation, you need to coordinate the external presentation as well.

You may be making a deal or people may be investing in your deal — but the truth is that they’re really investing in you. People invest in people. Whether you’re young, just starting your career and want to gain credibility, or you want to maintain and build upon the credibility you’ve worked for years to earn, you need to spend the time to find what makes you feel good. This can open doors.

True story. A few years ago, I was attending a technology conference in San Francisco. I was walking along the sidewalk and found myself elbow to elbow with a man whose style caught my attention. He had thought of every detail, right down to the socks. I took notice of the precision and care that he obviously invested in himself. Fast-forward to later that day at the conference, I was attending a session about the technology stack that that supports Trunk Club. Marc Benioff, founder of Salesforce, was interviewing Brian Spaly, the founder and then CEO of Trunk Club. The impeccably dressed man I was just walking next to on the streets of San Francisco was Brian Spaly! His look had a confident sound and for what it’s worth, Nordstrom acquired Trunk Club in 2014 for nearly $350 million.

You don’t have to be into fashion to be successful, but you can’t overlook the fact that the two, in some ways, are comingled: your style impacts your mood, your mood impacts your presence and your presence impacts the way you deliver a message. So what message do you want to deliver before your actual message is heard? What sound do you want your look to have?

Your gifts - don't overthink it

Last week I was shopping for one, final last-minute gift for my son. I had already chosen what I believed to be a thoughtful and perfect gift, but I still felt as though it wasn’t enough — and so I rushed back into the toy store, searching for one last gift that would make me feel like I had fulfilled my goal as the ultimate gift giver. I was in search of the “perfect” gift to give him, but I didn’t stop to consider that perhaps the gift I had already carefully chosen was the perfect gift. In my last-minute rush to prepare for the holiday, I was overthinking it.

I believe that most of do this, in work and in life. We overthink our gifts. I’m not talking about the physical, packaged gifts that we carefully wrap with shiny paper and ribbon. I mean the gifts that are unique to only you, the gifts that make you who you are. So often, we’re too busy looking for the perfect job, building a network or searching for what we believe might be our passion, that we overthink, and overlook, the gifts we have to offer the world.

This sometimes makes us stumble a bit because we tend to think that gifts must be some kind of rare and extraordinary talent — the ability to speak multiple languages fluently, possessing an extraordinary falsetto or an incredible ability to do mental math. But your gifts are not just your talents. A talent has to be practiced and honed. You don’t have to dig to deeply to determine your gifts, because a gift comes naturally to you. This is why we overthink them.

Maybe your gift is bringing people together to build effective teams. Maybe you have a knack for making complex topics easy to understand. Perhaps you effortlessly bring a glass-is-half-full, can-do attitude to everything you do. The key is to put your gifts to work for you. We can do this by recognizing our gifts and then asking ourselves, “How can I contribute them?” When you look at your work from a perspective of giving back and contributing your gifts, it shifts the ground beneath you a bit. It will not only help you identify what differentiates you from everyone else, it will help you establish yourself as someone who brings unique knowledge or talent to the table. Focusing on serving, giving — and ultimately sharing your gifts — is what propels you forward, in work and in life.

As 2018 comes to a close, I hope you’ll set a goal with me for the New Year to stop overthinking it. This is the year to recognize your gifts and contribute them to the world.

How I shifted from making decisions out of fear to one of possibilities!

Like most of you, I sat around our Thanksgiving table last week feeling grateful for what I often take for granted on a daily basis — my work, my family and of course the food. As I toasted the company of my loved ones, it occurred to me that exactly five years ago, this month, I was in a very different place.

I was seven months pregnant with my second child, and I received the phone call that no entrepreneur wants to hear. The parent company of the direct-to-public car-buying model I had developed from a seedling of an idea into a national operation purchasing thousands of cars per month no longer wanted to invest. I was given the directive to wind down the business. On the day I received the call, I was in San Francisco attending a technology conference, listening to Sheryl Sandberg deliver a keynote address about how to “Lean in,” when I received instructions to “Get out.”

On the night I received the news about having to close my company, an automotive executive that I had admired for many years invited me to attend a dinner. Reminder: I was seven months pregnant and I had just been told to close my business. It was the last thing I wanted to do that night. But I dragged myself to dinner and found myself being asked the question, “What do you want to do next?”

That morning I had been in meetings, making plans to expand our operating system. Now I had to determine how to return to my company, liquidate assets, take care of our strategic partners and most important, care for our employees. I left San Francisco the next morning with no idea about what I wanted to do next, or how to move forward. On the flight home, the stress and anxiety made me feel like I was having a heart attack.

Despite having to close my business, I was still receiving invitations from various companies to discuss my goals and interests, post-maternity leave. At this point, I was nine months pregnant, driving and flying around the country to have these conversations. If I’m being totally honest, I was fearful of lacking relevancy when I returned from leave, so I kept pushing. At the time, it didn’t occur to me that if I was being asked to meet for future job opportunities while nine months pregnant and closing a business, that I would probably be okay if I didn’t have something lined up upon my return.

When I finally paused to consider my options, I realized that my compass for decision-making was malfunctioning. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, but I wanted to keep pressing forward even though I couldn’t discern what I was pressing toward. It was at this point that I discovered time-lining, and I began to recalibrate my personal compass for making decisions.

Time-lining helped me learn to stop making decisions out of fear — something many of us do that often leads us down paths that just don’t fit. I wanted broaden my experience within alternate channels in auto, and over the next six months I consulted and pushed myself to accept projects that were unfamiliar. I knew that I wanted to explore the intersection of tech and automotive and my consulting work appeared to be a way to gain more experience in this space. Consulting took me out of my comfort zone, but was one of the best non-fear-based decisions I’ve ever made.

In the months that followed, I accepted more consulting work that took me around the world. I reconnected with industry relationships, and in one year, I went from being pregnant and closing a business to being tapped by brilliant entrepreneurs to embark on a journey in automotive tech. The business we founded was DRIVIN, a revolutionary automotive offering that was completely technology-centric. DRIVIN not only transformed the automotive industry, but it also launched my career into a new and exciting trajectory.

This brings me to present-day November 2018. As I think back to myself at Thanksgiving five years ago, I was overwhelmed. Did I make some poor decisions at this time? Probably. But did I make some good ones? You bet I did. But that’s the benefit of time and distance; it offers a glimpse of how much you have grown. If you’re in a tough spot, it’s like staring directly at a stunning canvas close-up. Your perspective is askew and it’s hard to discern the whole picture. But if you step back to look at it from a distance, you gain perspective and can see how the big picture comes together. I’m grateful for this perspective. But I know I wouldn’t have it today if I had not said, “yes” to opportunities that felt unfamiliar and somewhat scary. I’m eager to know your stories too. When did you decide to say “yes” and figure it out as you went along?